being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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