i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
