I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
