then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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