Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
