Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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