I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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