please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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