I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
