Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dicks are not precious.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
