Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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