i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize