Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
