im six kinds of drunk right now
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize