I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's blow job season.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
