where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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