When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I need to calm my uterus...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
