No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
