My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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