Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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