I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
