Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
