Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
