it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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