I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
