Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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