Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I've blown a few things in my day
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize