I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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