There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I party with great urgency now.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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