Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
