I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my being single is dangerous.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
