I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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