let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
