I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize