I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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