i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
one might say we're banned from that church
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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