does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
