ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
