I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
