And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize