Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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