i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
