If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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