I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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