Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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