The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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