Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
