dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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