i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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