Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
