Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
