i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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