i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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