Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
