Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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