Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Holy sore nipples Batman
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
