youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
