My underwear smells like fireworks.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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