how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
ttyl tear gas
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize