Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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