I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
