Responsibility does not care about your dick.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
