I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
