it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
