You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
