apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
