I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
