Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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