addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
