Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
