Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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