Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
