Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
