I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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