my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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