just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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