Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
